Movie review «Armor»

On July 3, a crime thriller/action movie with the uncomplicated title «Armor», starring Sylvester Stallone himself, was released in cinemas. In our review of the new movie, we note with sadness that in his old age, the star of the cult franchises «Rambo» and «Rocky» is simply making money, not really caring about the quality of the products it is involved in. And who are we to condemn a venerable legend? But let’s be honest and unvarnished about the movie itself — it is a very, very, very bad movie.

«Armor»

Genre a crime thriller,action movie
Director Justin Rutt
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Patric, Josh Wiggins, Dash Mayock, Blake Shields, Joshua Davis Whites, Jeff Chase
Premiere movie theaters
Year of release 2025
Website IMDb

James Brody, a former cop and now an incurable alcoholic, works as a collection truck driver with his adult son Casey as his partner. During routine transportation of valuable cargo, the boys are attacked by unknown gunmen with assault rifles and grenade launchers. The enemy squad is led by a gray-haired Ruk, who is obviously wise beyond his years, but still holds his weapon firmly in his hands.

Now, the only thing separating the father and son from certain death is the thick layer of armor on their truck, in which they are barricaded, upside down on a deserted bridge. With no help on the way, the desperate collection workers are forced to rely solely on their own strength.

Interestingly, «Armor» — is not the only Stallone film in the July Ukrainian box office — «Random Witnesses» is due out at the end of the month, where Sly is joined on set by Scott Eastwood — the son of another old-school Hollywood legend, Clint Eastwood. A telling fact: both films received a phenomenal 0% positive reviews from film critics according to the review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes.

It’s a pity that the legendary action stars of the 80s and 90s are now content to participate in films of this kind — if you recall, last year we wrote about a worthless crime thriller «Darkness of Man», where Jean-Claude Van Damme lived. Not to mention Bruce Willis, who simply had no choice but to become a regular in the frank movie trash (although Mr. Quentin Tarantino would argue with this statement).

However, Sly is not doing so badly. Along with acting in all sorts of trash and being constantly on the lists of candidates for «Golden Raspberry», the actor successfully continued the story of Rocky in «Creed», for which he was awarded a «Golden Globe» for the first time in his career. He also flashed in hit «Guardians of the Galaxy» and fired a shot from a «Tulsa King», which has been widely recognized.

Unfortunately, «Armor» belongs in the trash bin alongside such «netflix» in the late filmography of the venerable veteran as «Escape Plan 2: Hades» (2018), «Backtrace» (2018), «Escape Plan 3: The Extractors» (2019), «Expend4bles» (2023) and, something tells me, the upcoming «Random Witnesses». This is not just a bad movie, but a real nightmare, in which absolutely everything is terrible — from the primitive plot, which is a complete nonsense, to the pathetic CGI (yes, it is here), which will make your eyes bleed.

Just recently, in a review of an equally stupid action movie «Shadow Force» it was noted that it was time for Lionsgate executives to think about the quality of their content, particularly in the action movie segment. And now we see «Armor». It seems that there is nowhere to go lower.

The first 20 minutes are wasted on a boring exposition, the meaning of which could have been contained in a much more modest running time. The protagonist visits an AA group, before filling a thermos with vodka, which his son is completely unaware of. Then the two of them get into a truck and drive from point A to point B. And so on every day.

When it comes to the robbery itself, the first thing that catches your eye is the «ingenious» plan of the miracle robbers and the behavior of the cash collectors, who at first don’t seem to resist the brazen criminals. But a little later, when they find themselves in an armored trap, the old drunkard makes a cowboy with a stun gun that no Rambo could ever dream of. Although it’s not him who gets to walk off beautifully into the sunset in the finale.

Given the lack of a coherent script and, as a result, a very modest amount of action, the filmmakers are stalling for time to make this parody of a movie go full length. Perhaps in no other movie will you see so many and at the same time so long general shots of the area where the events take place. In particular, the state of Mississippi because that’s where the shooting took place. Panoramas of a nighttime metropolis, in contrast to the stone jungle bathed in the gentle sun, a road stretching through dense Mississippi forests — you can enjoy the beautiful scenery to the fullest.

It is also surprising that the showdown on the bridge, which dragged on for a long time, did not attract the attention of a single living soul around. No one seems to have rushed out to look for the missing cash collectors, who certainly did not arrive at their destination on time. Adding to the strangeness of the situation is the fact that it was not Stallone himself who was locked in the can; in principle, making him seem like a villain is an interesting move, but not in this mediocre production.

The onscreen madness is reinforced by such poor visual effects and complete indifference to local passions for the characters, including Sly, who delivers a few lazy lines, mumbling something about Murphy’s Law, that it becomes completely uncomfortable. In the end, it’s better to watch some «Armored» from 2009 than to watch with what sorrowful face one pensioner serves a number on a part-time job.